Meals were a time when we would calm down after running wild or wrestling with the ‘cousin pack’. The table was solemn, dare to say the sacred time when finally ‘we were all around the table’, meaning that we all had the same voice and mostly the same rights, except for a few consideration. Children ate on the children’s table and had to behave in order not to spoil the adults who joked away and laughed at memories and jokes while they ate and drank together. The children were not allowed to get up from the table except for toilet requirements, we were not allowed to ask for more and had to be happy with what there was on the table (it may sound like a clip out of Oliver Twist, although really it was still great fun). If we laughed too loud we were told to quieten down, for which the measure of loudness was regulated according to whether the adult table could hear themselves speaking to one another across the table. This still allowed ample space for shouting! In the midst of this, I could remember observing all that was happening, while the others played and joked with one another while remembering memories that kept the party going.
When it came to growing up, reaching adolescence meant that this once a year, for one day out of 365 in the annual meal, which usually happened at Christmas, I would have to wear the outfit which was given to me as a ‘present’ along with the presents I really wanted. Finding a place at the ‘adult’ table made it a rite of passage. Once this milestone was reached, it was time to smarten up and when it happened, nearly instantly the adults (other than the parents) would talk to us with a profound interest, and even when we said the stupid thing we did (although we avoided these stories), they would look at us with a profound interest in the adventures we shared. A heightened expression of interest could be seen through the mask of ‘authority’ when a success story, especially work-related would be told, even though some meals meant straightening out after a night of festive drinking.
The adults curiously asked us teens about what was going on in our lives. It felt like I was now an adult in their eyes, and somewhere something happened that I could be finally seen - I was finally being asked about my life, by their tone I was being taken seriously!
The family meal was a time, where I could feel enriched with who I was, where the love of the family was felt in a more tangible way and yet, that seemed so distant throughout the rest of the year. I remember this used to get me wondering where they spent the other 365 days of the year since they would hardly be seen. Although, on this day, in these moments family was created, bonds were re-established, and sitting at the adult table started to bring about a sense of change that would make the family experience all the more enriching. I learnt the value that fellowship had.
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